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Identifying Abuse

Am I Being Abused? (A Checklist)
Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships
Types of Abuse

Zaynab is a 21-year-old Pakistani woman who called us for help but did not know exactly how we could help her. She thought her marriage was going to be blissful but realized soon enough that it was otherwise. Instead of receiving a warm welcome into her new home, she was continuously attacked with verbal comments about her looks, her intelligence, and her ability to be a good wife by both her husband and her in-laws. Her husband never raped, beat, or withheld any money from her but he constantly told her that she was not pretty enough or smart enough and that she did not come from a good family. Zaynab’s mother-in-law never beat her either, but would often withhold food from her.

Her self-esteem had reached its lowest point, but Zaynab continued to believe that things were not so bad. She was not sure what kind of help she would get, but she had the courage to pick up the phone and call us. Zaynab was assured by a Sakhi staff member that she was not alone. Though she did not have any friends or family in the U.S., Zaynab started meeting new people through Sakhi’s monthly support group. It was through support group that Zaynab was finally able to share her experiences.

Emotional abuse is consistently and persistently undermining a person’s sense of self-worth. Examples include constant criticism, belittling one’s abilities, name-calling, and damaging a partner’s relationship with the children. For more information about the different kinds of abuse, click here.

Am I Being Abused? (A Checklist)

Provided by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Look over the following questions. Think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner. Remember, when one person scares, hurts or continually puts down the other person, it’s abuse.

Does your partner…

____ Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
____ Put down your accomplishments or goals?
____ Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
____ Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
____ Tell you that you are nothing without them?
____ Treat you roughly - grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
____ Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
____ Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
____ Blame you for how they feel or act?
____ Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for?
____ Make you feel like there “is no way out” of the relationship?
____ Prevent you from doing things you want—like spending time with your friends or family?
____Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to “teach you a lesson”?

Do you…

____ Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act?
____ Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior?
____ Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
____ Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
____ Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
____Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke-up?

If any of these are happening in your relationship on a consistent basis, talk to someone. Without some help, the abuse will continue.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships

Types of Abuse

For more information about the definition of domestic violence and different types of abuse, click here.